Plugging Away

Oh man, am I disappointed in myself.  I made it to 185.2 and had a cheat meal that turned into cheat day, then had another one a few days later on the weekend, and then this past week a death in the family meant I ate whatever I wanted without much thought.

I can tell you I'm likely in the 190's again.

I can also tell you that I threw out my scale.  When I had a good day I'd use it as an excuse for lienancy, and when I had a bad day I used it as an excuse to say "Well what does it matter anyway?".  I weigh in with my doctor once a month and that's not going to change anytime soon so I figured why do I need a scale at home?

My plan moving forward (because how many plans have I started and stopped, right?), is to try meal prepping and to do a round of 21 Day Fix as well as continuing running.

Losing weight is for health but for me the main reason I continue is how I look in clothes.  Sure, it's superficial, but when I went shopping this past week I was too big for the regular stores and too small for the plus size stores and I had a freak out moment of "I'm not going to be able to find anything appropriate to wear".  It was close guys, it was really close.

I carry a lot of my weight in my belly (it grows forward of course) and legs.  This makes dresses almost impossible to buy because my top half is two sizes different than the bottom.  A dress for me is never off the rack unless it is A-line and I discovered adult stores do not carry A-line dresses that are nice for women.  They're all sheath dresses.  Well, I look five months pregnant in sheath dresses.  No I will not wear spanx.  If I'm uncomfortable it shows, and I tug at my clothes and then worry the entire time if I look okay.  It's just not worth it.

I also found out navy shoes in size 10 that are not heels are also impossible to find on short notice.  I really need to build a wardrobe but I've been losing weight (ha ha ha) and haven't wanted to spend month on clothes.

The truth is, I'm in the same spot this year, as I was last year.  I'm still in the 180's/190's and have been.  I cannot get a grip on my eating habits.  I'm good for about a week or two and then fizzle out.

I wish I could explain it.  It should be so simple as to say "no, I don't want to/can't have/am not going to eat that".  For some people it is.  There are days I'm eating something and I think to myself "this makes no sense, I'm going to regret this later" and I do it anyway.  It's compulsive, it's confusing.  Most people do not understand.

My idea is to really try to get back to where I was mentally when I first started the low carb diet.  I'm going to allow myself one 20 oz diet soda a week with a small bag of chips, and keep to low carb (20-50 carbs per day) all the other days of the week and meals.  60 Days of this.  No eating out.  Under no circumstances.  I am strong, and I can do this.  Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself.

With exercise, I made it to 177 back in July by doing 21 Day Fix and running.  I could tell the fat was thinning out on my legs and belly.  That wasn't all from just getting down to 177.  That was from my workouts and I need to work on building muscle in addition to cardio.

I have to be honest, I'm tired of having to worry about all of this.  It's probably why I struggle.  I wish I didn't have to worry about food or exercise.  That I could go through life not worrying about how many carbs or calories are in what meal.  I have yet to really build a love of exercise.  I hate doing it.  I get sore, I sweat, it's hard to breath.  No matter how fit you are, that's what proper exercise is and I dislike it.  Even the dance videos get old to me.  It is what it is.  I do it because I know I have to.  But I'm tired of it all.

I am still trying though.  Because I am unhappy with my appearance.  So I will continue to try until I meet my goal or just cannot try any more.

Wish me luck, I need it.

Support is nice, until it's hurtful

I bought McDonald's last night.  I bought for myself and Lilly, while Nick was at class.  It was a rough day.  Lilly was into all sorts of things, we were stuck inside the house, I was looking up stuff for us to do, I told her "no" and she hit me.

She's hit before.  It's not often and it's only when she's super upset.  We're working on it.

Anyway, this led to me sitting on the kitchen floor crying out of frustration and my dearest Lilly coming up to me, rubbing my head and asking "Are you okay?"

Which led to me telling her she could have whatever she wanted for dinner and she asked for french fries.

I bought for both of us.

Of course Nick saw this and texted me "I'm disappointed that you got it for yourself when we are supposed to be working towards meeting your goal"

We.  We?  "We're" working towards me losing weight.  I guess.

Well, I decided I was disappointed in myself enough that he didn't need to be disappointed in me and from this point on he'll have no part in my weight loss journey.  He won't keep my scale for me (I found it and took it back), he won't ask about my day or my food, he won't know how it is or isn't going.  Life will be like I am not even attempting to lose weight.  If he asks if I want fast food or to go to a restaurant or whatever it will be up to me and only me to say no.  I will not tell him not to ask me those things because I always say yes.  Because that's an unfair burden on him.

I can't do it.  I wanted him for support but I can't have someone like my husband being disappointed in me for one bad day when I AM trying.  Maybe he doesn't get that it's easy for me to slip up or to fall back to food for emotional support.  I know he doesn't.  I know he's very logical.  That words he thinks are encouraging and would be encouraging for him are in fact words that hurt me and hinder me and honestly made me want to eat the whole house and then some.  "I'm disappointed".  I wanted to eat whatever we had.  But we didn't have much and so I didn't.

So he will not be my support in any form.  Because support is not "We are working hard"  Support is "I'm trying hard to help you reach your goal".  Not "We are working hard"  Because the one doing most of the work and worry and dealing with food, well, that's ME.  And his words pissed me off because it is hardest on ME.  And he hasn't been doing a whole lot to help me meet my goal anyway, so it really IS me.

ANYWAY....other than that, we have a treadmill on the way and I've been adding things to my Amazon wishlist out of boredom.  I painted my nails, I've drawn a little, put the Christmas decor in the garage and organized the bedroom again.  I put boxes of clothes in my trunk to donate and cleared out some trash.  There are dishes to be done but not many.  I'll survive.  I will do this.  I will be successful.

And my husband will not have to stress out about it because it will be as if it isn't even happening.

Definition of Insanity

There's a quote attributed to Einstein that says something like "The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

So, here I am, at a year of trying to get back on track with low carb and going from 177 to 190 over and over and over.  So, why am I still trying to do low carb?

Good question.

I am so over it.

I also am over calorie counting and Weight Watchers (can we talk about how their business plan relies on people gaining the weight back?)

Anyway, with my increased love and interest in anime and similar things, and Nick's love of sushi and desire to eat a good bowl of ramen, I've decided to try something totally different.

Actually eating good food and not counting calories or points or carbs or whatever.

Now, I've somewhat planned out meals, and will still be doing a lower carb, but I am tired of not cooking or having meals with my family.  When I do low carb I don't cook leaving Nick and Lilly out in the cold more or less.  Or I do really basic stuff.

Today, I bought some cool stuff:

A ricer cooker, a ramen and udon cookbook, a sushi mat, and Lilly got some training chopsticks that match her trademark pig tails!  Seriously, how cute are those?

My plan moving forward, now that I am finally getting better after being sick, is to eat eggs or similar for breakfast, have a low carb turkey wrap for lunch, and various chicken dinners with rice or veggies.  Snacks will be fruit or carrots with some ranch.  I'm going to get rid of my diet soda habit.

Did I ever mention I have a really bad diet soda habit?  It's bad.  I know it's not good for me, and it's bad.

I want to eat cleaner without being 100% clean, eat more regular type meals, eat with my family, provide Lilly with better examples of a healthy relationship with food.

On top of that, I plan on practicing my ninjutsu for 30 minutes every day.  This will include bokken, and studying from my guidebook.  I also will exercise, sticking with my chart I made just before I got sick.  Maybe changing it up a bit.

I will not weigh myself obsessively but focus on the fit of my clothes.  I won't try and throw the scale out but I will try and not use it all the time and work on not focusing on the number near as much as I do.

I want to improve my planks (which I have gotten up to 50 seconds!  WOW!) and work on balance, push ups, and endurance.

I can't make promises to myself or this blog.  I almost never make my goals.  They also make me obsessed, I want to live a normal healthy life without worrying about food and exercise.  I want it to be a normal, every day thing.  Something I don't have to think about, but habit.

I have a very bad relationship with food, that has only gotten worse this past year due.  I want to change that.

I am going to do my best and see what happens.

Day One

Yesterday was Day One of my 57 days on track to November 23rd.

It is a re-commitment to myself to see my weight loss journey through to the end.  While I haven't lost any weight this last year, it was a definite learning experience.  Old habits die hard, and one cheat weekend away can send me out of my low carb mentality and straight to junk food city.

I battled scale obsession, stepping on the scale nearly every time I went into the bathroom.  I even tried to remove the scale to no success.

I tried and failed at being a Beachbody Coach, hoping to not only help myself and others.

I learned I can handle some pretty intense workouts with a little bit of modification (HELLO INSANITY!)

I also learned I can maintain my weight with thought.

So that said, I had enough of the up and down of the same 12 pounds and have committed to focusing on getting back on track with low carb eating (that has been the only thing that has worked for me).

I decided after we had Taco Fresco the other night that I would not eat out again until November 23rd (which is when we go get family photos, and right before Thanksgiving).

I wrote it down on my kitchen white board and then decided that I would also commit to 100% low carb.

Then, I wrote a quick blog about it.

Then I decided I would not weigh myself until October 23rd, and then again on November 23rd.  I emptied the batteries out of my scale, and put the batteries and scale in two different places.

I made a list of low carb foods since I have lost the one from my doctor.

I took my notebook and input every date until then, and marked them Days 1 - 57.  I lamented that it wasn't quite 60 days, but Thanksgiving...seriously.  Pumpkin Pie people.

Then I started.

I did fairly well yesterday.  I made sure I woke up, drank a 16 oz glass of water right away.  I did a sort of sad workout that consisted of a warm-up of jogging, some jumping jacks, but then I practiced with my bokken (wooden katana sword for practice) and some of my other ninjutsu techniques I am learning.  I think the class will be very positive for me mentally and physically.  I have worked out but never had set goals in mind with where I wanted to be and the Aiki Ninjutsu is giving me a picture of that.  I want to be quicker, and more flexible.  I want a better mind-body connection so that I move less clumsily.  I want to be able to do a damn push-up.

So I also added on a 25 second plank (it was as long as I could do), three good form sit-ups (sad, I know), and a very very sad attempt at a real push-up, and some very sad attempts at knee push ups.  My core isn't very strong so it makes it hard for me to lower myself, hence the planks.

While not a super intense workout, I am reaching for goals that are practical for what I am studying, and that means I am more likely to continue because I am one of those people that does things for others.  While I want to be fit and lose weight it has never been enough to do it for myself or do it for any reason that is not observed.  It has not been motivation enough, but improving my fitness and skills so that my instructor and fellow classmates can see I am improving is motivation.  Ridiculous at 31, I know.

Anyway, after all that, my food went pretty well for the day, and I finished at 53 carbs.  That's three carbs over my max of 50, but for a first day back, I consider that pretty good.

I also went on a walk and then took Lilly on a bike ride.

It was a good first day.

I am hoping to update here every day.  I left space in my notebook to write my water and food on the front of the page and a journal on the back of the page.  I have to commit to spending the time on it which is difficult with a demanding toddler around so I am sure I will miss logging some days on here, but I will definitely be keeping up with it and re-capping each day, even if some posts have two or three days in them.

Remember: I believe in myself.  I am confident.  I can accomplish my goals.

Sunday Weigh-In Week One

So, last night was my Sunday weigh-in with my husband weighing me.  As you may recall, I was struggling with my accountability and decided to have him weigh me may make it embarrassing enough should I not lose weight.  Seems to be working.

Since I came up with this idea late on a Sunday night my weigh in is Sunday night before we go to bed, while wearing my pajamas (same ones every time).  We all know we gain some weight during the day but as long as you weigh-in at the same time with the same conditions it's pretty accurate.

I also weigh Thursday mornings for my Instagram account (@mommysahrifit).

Anyway...

Start: 195.8

Week One: 190.6     -5.2 pounds

We have a victory!!!

I'm going to consider it mostly water weight but the good news is even so, I gave myself until our anniversary on October 26th to get to my goal, which means I only have to lose an average of two pounds per week.  Most of the time I'll have a good week followed by a mediocre one so we will see what next week brings.

Run Shannah, Run!

The past month or so I've been feeling blah and stressed.  Lilly still doesn't sleep through the night and with two plus years of that going on, with me being the primary one getting up so my husband can function at work and school, it's taking it's toll.  Add on her newfound temperamental attitude and at the end of the day I'm just mentally tapped out.

Now, since last June I have been actively exercising on a regular basis but I have mostly only done Beachbody workouts from home.  Lilly and I walk anywhere from 1-3 miles when it's nice out and she wants to stay in the stroller (which isn't much anymore but last summer was wonderful) but it is no longer a daily thing like last year.

Last night, after the kids were put in bed, I decided I wanted to run.  I've never been a runner.  I have ankle and knee issues and the last time I ran outside was during high school gym class when we were forced to run the mile and I remember those four laps around the football field feeling like torture.  I know I walked most of the time.

I had two goals in mind: Run the whole time and keep a steady pace.  I accomplished that.

It was strangely nice to get outside, to see the path pass before me as the sun was starting to sink lower into the sky.  I was able to get most everything out of my mind and simply focus on the task of running and breathing (which I need to work on).

11:05.

Not the best time in the whole world but my standard cardio is totally different than running so I'll take it as a pretty great starting point.  Sixteen months ago I couldn't walk a mile without a good amount of pain and feeling out of breath.  It's amazing how much one can change over a small amount of time and while I may not be where I want to be this was a really good opportunity to realize how far I have come.

Sometimes after losing so much weight and working at it for what seems like forever, when you're not where you want to be you lose sight of where you once were.  Of how far you've come.  Truth be told sometimes I look in the mirror and still see my 246 pound self.  I have to compare photos side by side to see the change.  To realize that at one time I was much larger.

I am looking forward to trying to improve my run time, and losing these last 30 pounds.  Where I'll go from there I'm not certain.  I've never been under 174 that I can remember.  174 was my high school sophomore year weight.  So, it's been a tremendously long time.  I know when I graduated high school I was likely in the 190's or at 200.  I have no idea what I will look like when I'm done.  None.  It's a little scary.  But I know I will be faster and stronger and healthier than I have ever been before.

When Holding Yourself Accountable Isn't Enough

They say to lose weight you can't do it for someone else, you have to do it for yourself.

To an extent I believe this.  On the other hand...I've never been enough for myself.

My initial journey started because I have a daughter.  She will not struggle with body imagine her whole life like I have and I need to start that young and it starts with being healthy.

My early found success was because I frequently saw my doctor and I knew he would know I wasn't following his plan if I wasn't losing weight.  If you follow the plan, you will lose weight.  If you follow the plan.

So I followed it because I wasn't about to pay him and walk in there not having lost any weight.  It would be embarrassing.

However as time progressed and I saw him less and less because I was doing so well I started to slip more and more.

Which has led me to my current state.  It's all food.  It's 100% all food.  That is where my issue lies.

I am 100% disappointed in myself for being the same since October.  It's unacceptable.  I workout, I'm a Beachbody coach, I really should be staying on track.  But I'm not, because there is nobody there to keep track of me.

So, in an effort to get at it I have pushed my goal back to October 26th (my anniversary) and I am having my husband weigh me every single Sunday night.  He'll know if I've been true to my word or not and all I have to do to reach my goal is two pounds per week.

I know I can do this.  I know it.  I've done it before and I seriously have so little left to lose comparatively.

What are your GOALS and what are you doing to make certain you reach them?

Don't Let FEAR and PRIDE Get In Your Way

I was miserable here.  My heaviest weight, and you can see it in just my eyes.  I take up almost the entire door.

Yeserday, a new survey/study showed that the obesity rate of women rose to 40%.  Forty flippin' percent.  That is HIGH.  Even though BMI is not the be all end all, that is still a high number.

There are many different reasons we are obese at this high of a rate.  I think most of it has to do with food and office jobs.  Our lifestyles have us on the go, eating crazy processed packaged foods, with little time to actually pay attention to ourselves.

Even if you don't have high blood pressure, cholesterol, or blood glucose levels right now if you're overweight or obese, eventually that crap catches up with you.  At 246 pounds my blood work came back in the normal range with the exception of my Vitamin D levels.  No duh there, I'm never in the sun I turn into lobster woman.

The truth is, even with nothing back on the blood work my weight was still effecting me.  I couldn't even walk a mile without getting winded.  I had heartburn every night.  My ankle would swell if I did too much walking, and I just felt generally uncomfortable around other people because of my size.

Our bodies are not made to carry that much extra weight.  It causes a lot of stress on our spines and joints.

Admitting that we have a problem with our weight can be extremely difficult.  It can be embarrassing.  It can be difficult to admit that we don't have the information we need to change it.  Embarrassing to say "I really don't know where to start".  With all the gimmicks and plans out there it can make you feel like you're swimming in an endless sea and lord knows which one will work for you.  Embarrassing to ask for help.

It can be a serious hit to our PRIDE to step up and say we need help with something like our food or fitness.  Others in your life may make it look so simple to do but for you it might be one of the most difficult things.  I know for me it's not just deciding that I'm going to do it.  I have to work at it every single day.

Then there is the fear:

What if I fail again?

What if I still don't like how I look?

What if it doesn't help my high blood pressure, back pain, etc.?

What if?

Those "what if's" are terrifying.


But let me start:  My name is Shannah, I am almost 31.  I have a problem with food.  I eat when I am stressed and when I am bored and I eat when we have something yummy in the house just because I know it tastes good.  Sometimes I want a sweet so bad I will go out of my way to bake.  When I start eating things like that, I find it difficult to stop.  In that moment and even later on I may continue to make poor food choices for a day, a week, or even a month.

I tried and failed Weight Watchers at least four times.  I tried and failed calorie counting probably just as many.

On my honeymoon I was 220 pounds and I could barely fit into the plane seat or buckle the belt.  It latched but barely.  I may have been three months pregnant but the truth is that it was just baby weight and 20 of those pounds I had gained in the three months before because I had been trying to lose weight prior to pregnancy but used pregnancy as an excuse to eat what I wanted.  My thigh rubbed against the person next to me on the plane and it was embarrassing.  

By the time I went into labor I was 260 pounds.

It would be a year later that I finally could admit to someone I didn't know, that I needed help and I sought out my doctor.  I didn't believe I could do it because I never had before.

Asking for help was hard.  I didn't believe in myself.  But I tried.  I was willing to give it one last shot.  I was embarrassed to admit I needed help.  I was a grown woman for crying out loud how could I not control my eating?  But I did it, because frankly I was tired of heartburn every night and being so physically uncomfortable.

I am here for you.  I understand how difficult it can be.  It is scary and it is hard.  Changing our lives, changing our eating habits, our exercise habits, it's hard.  We have to fit it in with work and family.  Sometimes we are lucky enough to have family members on board and sometimes they just don't want to do it too.

The cost can be worrisome.  Will my grocery bill be higher?  Do I have that money to spend?  I ask you, how much is your deductible and co-pays for that surgery you may need down the line?  How much is a visit to the chiropractor?  Heartburn meds?  Blood pressure meds?  Insulin?

The time can be difficult to figure out.  Kids. Family. Work.  But you CAN fit it in.  30 minutes a day.  That's all you need, and not even every day of the week!  Healthy meals take no longer than any other meal to cook and there are many affordable options out there.

It is scary.  It an be embarrassing.  It is difficult.

It can be done.  Don't wait for a better time.  There is NEVER a better time.

However, I am here to help.

Slacking Off is Never Worth It

Yesterday I took a me day.  I've been in a bit of a funk so I went and bought hair dye, dyed my hair, painted my toes, and tried out an eye make-up tutorial because at nearly 31 I still don't know how to apply make-up but I like how it looks.

Except it wasn't a 100% me day because I failed to workout and I failed to do my plank challenge.  I also made these rather delicious wonton wrapper apple pie things and ate them with vanilla carbsmart.  The ice cream was compliant of my current plan.  The delicious wonton apple pies were not.  No biggie if I had been sticking to plan for the majority of late but I had not been.  

I will make those apple pie wontons again though.  Oh yes, just in the future.

This morning I added a few new info pages to the blog in between trying to potty-train Lilly.  If you take a look at the side bar you'll see Favorite Low Carb Products Products and a Beachbody Info tab! I also updated my contact info so you an reach me.

I wanted to start fresh today because following the workout schedule for 21 Day Fix doesn't help if I don't eat right so I made my Shakeology first thing and made sure to fill up a big glass of water.  Totally worth it because I felt so much better afterwards and I really have felt gross the past couple of days due to some of my food choices.

Nap-time rolled around for Lilly so I did what I didn't want to but had to do: Doubled up on workouts AND planks.

Yuck.

I lived through it.

I feel pretty good now.

It was Lower Fix and Pilates Fix and I had two 20 second planks to do.  My core is super weak which is why I am doing the plank challenge.  It's a 30 Day Challenge a friend of mine is running and it started with 15 seconds and is supposed to end with 60.  I need to do it every day so that I actually improve because doubling up isn't as productive muscle wise.

So Days 3 & 4/21 Done.  Just sixteen more to go.

Since I've been having such a difficult time staying on track I decided to take a look back to when I first started attempting to lose weight to see what I may have changed since then and figure out why I did so incredibly well the first few months.  Looking back, that first month I saw my doctor every week, followed by two months of every two weeks.  This held me accountable.  I knew my doctor would know if I was lying about what I was eating if I wasn't losing weight so I stuck to my plan nearly 100%.  Now that I don't see him anymore (by choice, I was going once every two months and it just wasn't helping me anymore) I don't have that fear of embarrassment.

But taking it one week at a time sounds like a good plan so up until July 21st I have marked weeks in my food journal (kept track by Day 1-7) and I'm going to be taking it one day at a time, one week at a time.  After so many months of weight loss I was just looking at too much of the picture to reach the end successfully.  I have about 30 pounds or so left to go (I think, my smallest weight in high school was 174 so I honestly can't tell you what I'll look at smaller and I could change my mind), and since I've already lost 60 that really should not be an issue.

If I stay on here any longer I'll only ramble more and the beast-est (a.k.a my daughter Lilly) has awakened from her nap.

About Ready To Throw Out the Scale Again...

I have a love hate relationship with my scale.  I step on it way too much often but often times when I don't have it I don't pay attention to my eating and my weight goes up.

But if I'm doing everything right and I say bloat due to that time of the month or one day of carbs, I get a little loose because what's one more day of carbs and then it goes up.

And thus, this has been my life since October.  This is why I am stuck in the upper 180's or lower 190's.  I love food, I love it a little too much.  I did well most of the day until dinner and I made a dessert that I shouldn't even have bought the items to make.  It was delicious, but really.  I regret it now.  I almost feel like I need to put "You will regret it" on just about every kitchen cabinet and surface possible.

I have goals.  I want to get to 155.  It's so close and quite honestly if I had just cracked down on myself for a few months I'd totally be there by now.  But I've been pretty relaxed with myself.  I've gotten comfortable.  Too comfortable.  I no longer see my doctor so the only one holding myself accountable is me.  My husband certainly doesn't, and that's okay, that's not really his job.

I have stopped caring about what others think of my progress.  I am still overweight but no longer obese and in a normal dress size so I don't feel as uncomfortable around others who are healthier than me.  It's funny how being uncomfortable can make you do things.  Now that I'm not feeling like crap about my appearance I'm not making progress.  Yes, I want to be healthy, I want to get rid of my stupid protruding stomach, but it's not 100% pressing.  Ya get me?

I gotta get my butt in gear.  I've been stuck at a weight before and I got super frustrated and then got pregnant and got up to 256.  I do not want to ever be there again.  It's not an option.

So, that leads me back to the scale.  The way I weigh the way I eat around what I weigh.  Last year I threw it out.  I did well for awhile and then freaked out and bought a new one after I had my wisdom teeth out.  I'm thinking about getting rid of it.  I've tried hiding it in the house but I just go and get it back out.  I need to focus on my food and the way I look and feel but I am so very dependent on the scale I'm quite afraid to get rid of it again.

What if I do so and I end up eating whatever I want?

This is my fear.

My Thoughts On Body Shaming

Body shaming comes in all forms and is not exclusive.  We even tend to body shame ourselves.

There is a huge body positivity movement within the plus sized community.  A community I still feel a part of.  I belonged to it for most of my life.  I wish it was what it is now back when I was in middle school and high school.  I really needed it back then.

That said, I also see a lot of comments from some of those same members against thinner people.  "Real men love curves" or "Only dogs like bones" etc.  LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: That is body shaming as well.  You are participating in something you claim to be fighting against.  You absolutely can be positive about being plus sized while still allowing others to be thin or fit.

"She needs to go eat a burger or something."  How do you know she hasn't?  How do you know what she eats?  Have you asked this person about their diet? (I use the term diet to refer to what they eat.  That is the proper term for what someone eats on a regular basis).  Most likely not.  I know people who are thin that eat more than enough.  They have problems gaining weight.  That is not a time to insert a sarcastic "oh poor them".  Maybe they wait to gain weight just as much as you want to loose it.  I say that because if you are 100% positive in your body you will only want to lift others up to where you are.  You will not want to shoot them down and you absolutely will not be jealous of them.  So if you are, take the time to reflect about your situation.  Don't worry about other people.  Think about yours.

Now that I have that off my chest, I'm going to continue into something I saw on Instagram today that was really upsetting.

One person I just started following deleted his account because he was receiving upsetting comments.  This person had already lost 213 pounds!!!!  But because he was still 451 pounds, with loose skin, someone felt the need to become a rude ass bitch.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds of dedication and commitment.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds of hard work and some internet asswad decided to say something.

It takes two positive comments to outweigh a negative one.  This is proven in management and I am sure it applies to other aspects of life as well.

I also just read another account where someone who has lost a good amount of weight was called anorexic.  Why?  Because she is thin and looks great?  So aggravating.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE SOMEONE IS AT IN THEIR JOURNEY.

That obese person you see may have already lost 213 pounds.  That thin person may be working on building muscle and gaining weight.  Maybe they just had cancer.  Maybe that obese person has a thyroid issue.  Maybe they have a binge eating disorder.  YOU DO NOT KNOW.

Just because someone looks a certain way and you have decided that you don't like it does not give you license to comment on it.  How someone's body is shaped, what they are choosing to wear or not wear.  It is none of your business unless you have something positive to say!  LIFT OTHERS UP.

If you feel so bad about where you are at that you have to say something negative to make yourself feel good you honestly need to think about the fact that negativity certainly isn't going to get you to where you want to be.  Positive thinking goes a long way in all aspects of your life.  So if you're one of these negative internet trolls: I'm here to help when you're ready to change your mindset.  Because everyone needs help sometimes.

Working Out On No Sleep

Last night, before I went to bed, I carefully laid out my workout clothes and tennis shoes and set my alarm for 5:30 am.

Last night my two year old woke up just about every.  single.  hour.  I turned off my alarm sometime around 4 am.  My daughter woke up at about six so I wan't too far behind.

But I was so tired.  I almost didn't work out.  I looked at those clothes.  And looked at them.  And looked at them.  Then I finally put them on.

I dressed my daughter, turned on BOD (Beachbody On Demand), and pressed play on Total Body Cardio Fix.  I may have modified some of it.  Day 1/21 done.  Twenty more days to go.  Speaking of 21 Day Fix, the challenge pack is ON SALE this month!  30 minutes a day, 21 Days.  Customizable eating plan with portion control containers, a months supply of Shakeology, a shaker cup.  All $140.  If you think it's too easy, 21 Day Fix Extreme is also on sale!  Shoot me a line for more info or click the links to order!

So I got the workout in.  The whole time I was doing my warm-up exercises my daughter was following along, as best as a two year old can, and then looking back at me with her big bright eyes, grinning from ear to ear and saying "Good job!".  Such positive reinforcement!

After our workout we headed to Target where she proceeded to throw an epic tantrum over being placed in the cart so I had to let her down to walk beside me which pretty much ended our trip.

My food has been horrible today.  I had to go grocery shopping and after Target that was not happening until I dropped the little monster off at her first day of preschool enrichment.  I think I'm going to miss early morning grocery shopping.

Tomorrow I will do 100% on my food.  Wednesday is my weigh in day and I'll be weighing every week from here on out.  My goal is to be consistent with good eating until June 26 in which I have a baby shower to attend.  It will be a treat day.

And that, my friends, was my pretty average day.  I didn't let lack of sleep stop me from working out so I'm pretty proud of that.  Exhaustion whether at the start or end of the day is usually a very big reason people don't workout.  I find morning workouts are easier to get in and get done for me.

What time is best for you to make certain you get your workout in?