Support is nice, until it's hurtful

I bought McDonald's last night.  I bought for myself and Lilly, while Nick was at class.  It was a rough day.  Lilly was into all sorts of things, we were stuck inside the house, I was looking up stuff for us to do, I told her "no" and she hit me.

She's hit before.  It's not often and it's only when she's super upset.  We're working on it.

Anyway, this led to me sitting on the kitchen floor crying out of frustration and my dearest Lilly coming up to me, rubbing my head and asking "Are you okay?"

Which led to me telling her she could have whatever she wanted for dinner and she asked for french fries.

I bought for both of us.

Of course Nick saw this and texted me "I'm disappointed that you got it for yourself when we are supposed to be working towards meeting your goal"

We.  We?  "We're" working towards me losing weight.  I guess.

Well, I decided I was disappointed in myself enough that he didn't need to be disappointed in me and from this point on he'll have no part in my weight loss journey.  He won't keep my scale for me (I found it and took it back), he won't ask about my day or my food, he won't know how it is or isn't going.  Life will be like I am not even attempting to lose weight.  If he asks if I want fast food or to go to a restaurant or whatever it will be up to me and only me to say no.  I will not tell him not to ask me those things because I always say yes.  Because that's an unfair burden on him.

I can't do it.  I wanted him for support but I can't have someone like my husband being disappointed in me for one bad day when I AM trying.  Maybe he doesn't get that it's easy for me to slip up or to fall back to food for emotional support.  I know he doesn't.  I know he's very logical.  That words he thinks are encouraging and would be encouraging for him are in fact words that hurt me and hinder me and honestly made me want to eat the whole house and then some.  "I'm disappointed".  I wanted to eat whatever we had.  But we didn't have much and so I didn't.

So he will not be my support in any form.  Because support is not "We are working hard"  Support is "I'm trying hard to help you reach your goal".  Not "We are working hard"  Because the one doing most of the work and worry and dealing with food, well, that's ME.  And his words pissed me off because it is hardest on ME.  And he hasn't been doing a whole lot to help me meet my goal anyway, so it really IS me.

ANYWAY....other than that, we have a treadmill on the way and I've been adding things to my Amazon wishlist out of boredom.  I painted my nails, I've drawn a little, put the Christmas decor in the garage and organized the bedroom again.  I put boxes of clothes in my trunk to donate and cleared out some trash.  There are dishes to be done but not many.  I'll survive.  I will do this.  I will be successful.

And my husband will not have to stress out about it because it will be as if it isn't even happening.