Have Your Cake! Or brownie...

I haven't done ANY cake decorating posts on this page.  I've had to stay away from baking almost anything because I have no self control.  However, I got this fabulous brownie pan for Christmas and I really, really wanted to try it out, and then dip said brownies in chocolate and cover in sprinkles.

I used a basic "family size" Pillsbury brownie box mix, and scooped about 1 1/2 cookie scoops into each cup of my Pampered Chef brownie pan.  I cooked those last night.  One box filled the pan and then there was maybe one brownies worth of batter left.  I may have ate some of the batter.  But that's okay.

You will need:

Almond Bark.  I used 1/2 a package. (so six of the small squares)

Pre-baked brownies!

A double boiler.  AKA a bot of boiling water and a metal or glass pan. set atop it.

A drying rack.

Sprinkles!

First step is to chop up the chocolate.  Don't ask me why, but I neglected to take a picture of the chopped up chocolate.  
                                     

Second Step: Make a giant mess moving chocolate into double boiler.  Stir, stir, stir the chocolate.  Keep stirring until it is all melted.

  Third Step: Observe, melted almond bark!  Turn off the burner or you risk burning the chocolate.  Burn chocolate is NOT yummy.

Fourth step: Using a fork dip brownie squares into chocolate, rotate, pull out of pan and put on drying rack. Sprinkle with sprinkles.  I covered most of the brownies, but also tested dipping half and dipping the top.  I didn't think the half dipped were as pretty so I only did one, and then I did two with just the top covered.  They're just as pretty but overall I like the fully covered one.

Fifth Step:  Let the chocolate cool.  Almond bark is made to set quickly, I say these were probably about a half hour.

Final Step: Look at the pretty brownies and then eat them!  Or one.  Since you know, weight loss.

I actually don't plan on eating any of these.  I'm weird and don't like anything on my brownies.  I just like plain old brownies.  These were really quite easy to do, and I think anyone could make them.  I do also think you don't have to have the Pampered Chef brownie pan BUT, because the pan has you cook individual brownies, there are no crumbs in the chocolate.  I think if you baked a tray of brownies and then cut them and tried to dip them you'd definitely get crumbs in the chocolate tossing the brownies around.

As for me, and my weight loss goals.  I may have dug that scale out of that bag I put it in the other day.  I was just finding it really hard to get back on 100% track even with my meal prep and plan and sometimes I need to see how bad I've let it go to get that fire lit again.  Turns out, I was magically 189.  So, not the 185 and I won't make it to 180 by tomorrow (Valentine's Day) but NOT the 194-196 I was actually expecting after last week.

My doctor's appointment is a week from tomorrow and I'm really going to try to be 182.  That'll be a 10 pound loss since the last visit a month ago, and that's really reasonable.  I still want to end the month at 177.  If I stay true to my food plan and exercise five days a week, I KNOW I can accomplish that goal.  I also know life doesn't always go according to plan and that is why I have struggled so much.  Because I keep letting life take me off track.  

My goal for end of March is 170.  I want to buy myself something for making it to 170 but I can't for the life of me think of something that would push me towards that goal.  But I think a big prize or something I really want but wouldn't normally buy would help me work for it.  So I plan on thinking about it these next couple days.

Anyway, hope you like my quick and un-detailed brownie tutorial! 

Plugging Away

Oh man, am I disappointed in myself.  I made it to 185.2 and had a cheat meal that turned into cheat day, then had another one a few days later on the weekend, and then this past week a death in the family meant I ate whatever I wanted without much thought.

I can tell you I'm likely in the 190's again.

I can also tell you that I threw out my scale.  When I had a good day I'd use it as an excuse for lienancy, and when I had a bad day I used it as an excuse to say "Well what does it matter anyway?".  I weigh in with my doctor once a month and that's not going to change anytime soon so I figured why do I need a scale at home?

My plan moving forward (because how many plans have I started and stopped, right?), is to try meal prepping and to do a round of 21 Day Fix as well as continuing running.

Losing weight is for health but for me the main reason I continue is how I look in clothes.  Sure, it's superficial, but when I went shopping this past week I was too big for the regular stores and too small for the plus size stores and I had a freak out moment of "I'm not going to be able to find anything appropriate to wear".  It was close guys, it was really close.

I carry a lot of my weight in my belly (it grows forward of course) and legs.  This makes dresses almost impossible to buy because my top half is two sizes different than the bottom.  A dress for me is never off the rack unless it is A-line and I discovered adult stores do not carry A-line dresses that are nice for women.  They're all sheath dresses.  Well, I look five months pregnant in sheath dresses.  No I will not wear spanx.  If I'm uncomfortable it shows, and I tug at my clothes and then worry the entire time if I look okay.  It's just not worth it.

I also found out navy shoes in size 10 that are not heels are also impossible to find on short notice.  I really need to build a wardrobe but I've been losing weight (ha ha ha) and haven't wanted to spend month on clothes.

The truth is, I'm in the same spot this year, as I was last year.  I'm still in the 180's/190's and have been.  I cannot get a grip on my eating habits.  I'm good for about a week or two and then fizzle out.

I wish I could explain it.  It should be so simple as to say "no, I don't want to/can't have/am not going to eat that".  For some people it is.  There are days I'm eating something and I think to myself "this makes no sense, I'm going to regret this later" and I do it anyway.  It's compulsive, it's confusing.  Most people do not understand.

My idea is to really try to get back to where I was mentally when I first started the low carb diet.  I'm going to allow myself one 20 oz diet soda a week with a small bag of chips, and keep to low carb (20-50 carbs per day) all the other days of the week and meals.  60 Days of this.  No eating out.  Under no circumstances.  I am strong, and I can do this.  Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself.

With exercise, I made it to 177 back in July by doing 21 Day Fix and running.  I could tell the fat was thinning out on my legs and belly.  That wasn't all from just getting down to 177.  That was from my workouts and I need to work on building muscle in addition to cardio.

I have to be honest, I'm tired of having to worry about all of this.  It's probably why I struggle.  I wish I didn't have to worry about food or exercise.  That I could go through life not worrying about how many carbs or calories are in what meal.  I have yet to really build a love of exercise.  I hate doing it.  I get sore, I sweat, it's hard to breath.  No matter how fit you are, that's what proper exercise is and I dislike it.  Even the dance videos get old to me.  It is what it is.  I do it because I know I have to.  But I'm tired of it all.

I am still trying though.  Because I am unhappy with my appearance.  So I will continue to try until I meet my goal or just cannot try any more.

Wish me luck, I need it.

February Goals

Happy February!

My goal for this year was to lose around 10 pounds per month, happy to say I started January at 196 and this morning I was at 185.2!  This is a big accomplishment for me, even though I've seen 185 before, because it's been awhile that I've seen 185, and it means I'm really back on track.

I had a blip around mid-January, and a slow start to January to be honest, but I have worked my butt of making sure to mostly eat on plan and workout.

So let's talk my goals!

This month, my overall goal is to make it to 177 by March 1st.  This is not 10 pounds, but February is short.

Mid-Month goal, or Feb 14th goal (a week before my doctors appointment) is 180 lbs.

For exercise I want to get in 5 workouts a week.  This can be running, or DVD's.  I don't really care so long as it's a real workout.  Which could be as little as one mile on the treadmill at a decent pace to be honest.  Just so long as I make an effort.  Some days don't go so well as others, if Lilly sleeps poorly I won't be waking up before she does and able to workout.  Sometimes she lets me do a DVD in the morning, sometimes she hangs off me the whole time and I don't get it done.  But I'll make an effort to sincerely try.

I want to get back to my July weight of 177 (it was actually 177.8), and start moving forward past that.  I want to succeed this year.

I have moved my overall weight goal to 164 from 155.  164 just sounds more attainable to me, and it puts me in an average weight BMI, and while BMI is not the end all be all, it will still be satisfying for me to see because doctors do use that.  When I hit 164, I'll assess how I feel about my body and move forward from there.  Again, as an adult I was never under 200 and as a high school student 174 was the lowest weight I can recall.  Anything under that is new territory.  So I think setting a goal not as low will be a good start for me to start really looking at my body as it is.  Some days I still look in the mirror (or at a photo) and see that 240 pound person.  It's a mental thing and it's common, so I don't want to put in this effort and not physically see it.  If that makes sense.

Running wise, I need some better running socks, I currently have a blister on the arch of my right foot.  I have socks made for working out but having borrowed Nick's running socks (that I bought him when I worked in Downer's Grove) I know mine aren't even close to as nice as his.  Which is likely why I have a blister, or the new tennis shoes.

My mile itself have overall improved.  I'm regularly running my two miles at 4.5 or 5 mph.  It's a push for me, but I can handle it easier than when we first got the treadmill.  I find running on the treadmill is a lot more difficult physically than outside.  I don't know why, it just is.  I'm ready for Spring.  Is it Spring yet?

Anyway short list for February:

• 180 lbs by February 14th
• 177 by March 1st
• Exercise 5 days a week