My damn sinuses again...

My sinuses have decided to act up again, leaving me with a stuffed up nose and a dry itchy throat that comes with a nasty cough.  This is the third time in the past two or three months.  I am not happy.  I'm taking the cough pills I never finished (which don't work but hey, why not?) and allergy meds and sudefed and hoping for the best.

I've been on my new meds three full days and one half day and I'm really surprised at my lack of need to root through the kitchen to find food to eat because it tastes good.  I have still had some cravings (Such as a spicy chicken from Wendy's) but I have no had any desire to eat all the time.  I hope they continue to work like this.

On another much more silly note:

I need this purse from Modcloth.  Seriously.  It's even 25% off with a code through the end of today.  For some reason I want this purse so bad, I can barely contain myself.  I've been looking at it all week.  Several times a day.  It does not help that I do, in fact, need a new purse.  However, Nick says this purse is not an everyday purse.

I mean, I guess he's kind of right.  You see, whereas the model with the purse looks pretty chic and cool with her ripped skinny jeans and black over-sized turtleneck and booties, I'd probably look like a 12 year old.

I mean, with my flare jeans with rips on the bottom from being a smidge too long to the white paint splotch on my tennis shoes to my forever in a pony tail hair because I have no idea how to actually style hair and when I wear it down it just gets in my face and annoys me.  To my makeup-less face because it takes me too long and the random T-shirt that's either Cardinals baseball or Supernatural because that's all I have.

I would look like a 12 year old carrying a dog purse.

I would not look like this model.

I would not look this cool carrying around a dog purse.  I would look ridiculous.

But I want it.  Because it is cute. And I need a purse.  Because mine has a rip and the corner fabric is worn out and the damn thing is four years old and has definitely seen better days.  My poor worn out scraggly purse only adds to my disheveled 12 year old look.

Next month, I'll look for a new purse.  I probably won't get the dog purse.  I'll conform to society's basic standards of what an adult should wear/look like and I'll be too afraid I'll look like I'm 12, and I'll end up ordering some other purse that is square and neutral and lacking personality.  Not to mention it will likely be sold out.

Some purse that is not a dog face.

I want the dog purse.

Day One on Binge Eating meds and UPDATE!

So, today was the first day I've taken my new binge eating medication.   I just got it yesterday afternoon and it turns out Wal-Mart had it for like, six days already.  I'm a little irritated because they never called but I have it and I started it.

So far, good.  I haven't thought about eating the whole house today.  In fact, the idea of me eating as much as I had been seems...odd?  Anyway, these meds are newer I believe and they are typically used to treat ADHD.  Apparently some people who are using it for binge eating find that they are more focused.  It kind of makes sense.  I eat because I'm bored or because when I eat certain foods it makes me feel good.  Not really because I'm hungry.  So if I'm focused my mind isn't all over the place and I'm not constantly thinking about food.  Anyway, it's only day one so we'll see what happens from here.

I FINALLY tested for my first stripe in ninjutsu on Tuesday!  I knew my sensei was going out of town until after Thanksgiving and I wanted it before that.  I was nervous and forgot to breath so I was very lightheaded afterwards but I did get my stripe!  YAY!

Not much else has been going on so far as normal day to day stuff goes.

Weekly Recap

I know my blog has been all over the place so I think it will be nice to do a weekly blog that is a recap of what I've been up to and how things have been going.

• I went back to my doctor and got prescribed a pill used to treat binge eating disorders and also ADHD.  Wal-Mart of course didn't have it in stock and so I have to wait week.
• Nick got rear ended and his HHR was totaled.  I had a pretty serious freak out over this and though we'd rather NOT spend the money, we will be buying a new car in just a few weeks.  I was without one for six months but I was also watching the neighbors baby so it wasn't so bad because I would have been stuck at home anyway.
• I have not gone back to low carb yet as I should but today I am really, really trying.

My hobbies/interests are going better.

• I caught up to the current season of the anime Uta Prince No Sama as well as the newest episode of one called Kiss Him, Not Me.  Kiss Him, Not Me is pretty hilarious.  It might just be one of the funniest anime I have seen.  It has a lot of anime references and kind of pokes fun at the fan base in a very well meaning, light-hearted way.  I am really looking forward to see how the story progresses.  Uta Pri has the very common idol anime setup but it is on it's fourth season which means it's pretty successful.
• I watched the fourth episode Death Parade.  It was very emotional and made me cry.  The basis of this anime is two people who die at the same time end up in a bar where they have to play a game of some sort (the game changes each episode) to determine who will get to be reincarnated and whose soul pretty much goes into oblivion.  The games are supposed to bring out the true nature of people and we actually haven't seen who goes where since the first episode I don't believe.
• Went to ninjutsu class twice this week, thanks to my sister-in-law who watched Lilly for me yesterday as Nick had a group project for school to work on.  I'd say both classes were successful and I am working on getting to the point where I can feel confident enough to take the stripe test for my first lesson.  My body parts really don't like moving together in unison so I tend to move my feet first and then my hands and I need to get them to work together, but I do have fun every class and I love my classmates and my sensei.  It is such a beautiful encouraging environment.
• I started using Japanesepod101.com and their youtube channel to start learning Japanese.  We have to learn a lot of terms for ninjutsu and because of my anime watching I want to actually understand and learn rather than just memorizing what words mean for class.  I think pod101 has several different language sites and I would recommend checking them out.  Very easy to follow and learn.

And I think that's all I can remember for now.  Pretty basic stuff and off course there was a lot of taking care of Lilly and doing dishes and laundry in there too!  Have a good week everyone!

How Things Are Going

So.  Wal-Mart had to order my prescription, it takes a week to come in.  Not the start I was hoping for because it's put this excuse in my head not to start until I get it.  Lame.  I know.  So...I haven't exactly started low carb yet.  Each morning I get up I intend to stick to it but I haven't.

My husband got rear-ended the other day.  The car was totaled.  We were going to replace it in a few years.  We really didn't want to replace it this year.  We're only getting $4300 for it, and my husband won't buy an older car so we are dipping into savings to buy a new one in a few weeks.  He's not told me if I'm getting the car or if he's getting the car.  I really like my Cruz now and I've only had it for 10 months and I offered for him to take it when we bought it and he didn't so I will admit unless he gets me a green car I'll be pissed if he chooses to take my Cruz.

Talk of budgets gets me super stressed.  I don't work, and while staying at home means we're not paying childcare and I actually see my daughter that doesn't mean that I don't wish I had more/better skills that allowed me to work and bring in an income for my family.  I will forever regret the day I did not go to college.  Certainly there were a lot of factors that went into that, which would be too long of a story to post fully here, but I will always regret it.  I don't want to go back to retail.  I'm not really fond of how massage therapy turned out for me.  I'm really scared and upset over the idea of finding work again.  It's scary and of course this car business has me thinking about it.

This stress brings in the food.  Food makes me feel happy for all 2.7 seconds I'm eating it.  So I baked a small batch of cookies today.  I knew I shouldn't have.  I thought about it the whole time I was doing it.  I did it anyway.  My daughter got three out of 12.  I ate the rest.

I threw out the flour.  This way I cannot bake cookies.  Because when I want food to make me happy I will in fact, go out of my way for it.  I may have also gotten into the leftover Halloween candy in my husbands desk drawer.  He puts it down there so I don't have access to it and he doesn't lock it.  It has a lock.  He should lock it.  Because I know that's where it is and chocolate makes me feel happy.  For all 2.7 seconds.

I worked out twice earlier this week, been to ninjutsu once.  I have to miss ninjutsu tomorrow because Nick has to get together with his class group for their group project.  I'm supposed to go two days a week and I missed three weeks because I was sick and got to go just one this week.  I am not at all happy with my lack of progress at this point.  I knew it would take me longer to learn things, my body doesn't move together well, but missing classes is really depressing to me.  I want to learn and advance and I haven't even earned my first stripe yet.  You get a stripe when you test on a lesson you need to know for your next belt test.  I've been going like two months and have not gotten it.  *insert super sad face here*

ON A PLUS NOTE:  I found out there's this super cool Japanese mini mall-ish place called Mitsuwa Marketplace.  I am hoping they may have some cute onigiri molds (I want a cat one for Lilly) and they have awesome ramen restaurants for Nick and a bakery that looks delicious and of course a grocery story.  But it's an hour away so we haven't gotten to go yet.  An hour in the burbs really isn't horrible but it's not ideal with an unpredictable toddler.

My anime watching has increased.  It does help stress.  I also found japanesepod101.com and their youtube channel.  They have super awesome videos that are easy to follow for learning Japanese.  Because we use Japanese terms in ninjutsu and because I watch a lot of anime I have watched several and plan to actually pick some language and writing up.  It's my current interest and I always throw myself at my interests so this is no surprise.

I have not drawn much.  My colored pencils, while a good brand, keep breaking when I sharpen so it just gets frustrating instead of being relaxing.  I need to learn to be happy with black and white drawings and learn how to shade like they would in a manga, since most manga are black and white.

And that is where I am at.  I managed to wash and fold ALL THE LAUNDRY.  Which is amazing  It really is, but I have a good bit of dishes to do.  Yuck.  The constant badgering of making beds, doing dishes, and helping fold laundry as a kid did nothing for me, in fact, I think they made me really detest those chores.

Day After Halloween Doctor Visit

So, after nine months I finally went back to my doctor.

I was 100 % honest about how I felt my eating was out of control, that I didn't hold myself accountable, and that I needed regular visits.

He had me take a binge eating disorder survey.  By the looks of it, he says I could have it, so we're going to try some meds.  He said it is also used to treat ADHD and that sometimes people find they have better focus.  I could use that!  To be honest, I recently read an article about ADHD in adult women and was surprised at how many symptoms were familiar so I am hoping it can do me good on many levels.

I have to hand in the 1st prescription by hand because he gave me some coupons so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get it because Lilly was being Lilly and no way was I going to take her to the store with me to wait for a prescription to be filled.  I can do that tomorrow when she is in preschool class.

Anyway, she fell asleep on the way home so I'm going to watch my current cheesy idol anime called Uta no Prince Sama.  I'm on season three.  The fact that it has a third and currently airing fourth season says it actually isn't that bad, but it is cheesy and it was written for teenage girls and it does involve boy bands so yeah.

Hey, I did dishes and laundry today at least!

I was really stuffed into that bodice last night!  Next year it will fit better!