Being Sick Sucks - Day I lost count since my notebook had milk spilled on it...

I've been sick for a week now.  I've missed two ninjutsu classes, I didn't get to start my workout schedule.  I'm miserable.  Sinus infection.  So hacking, coughing up nasty gunk, pressure in my face.  Nothing fun.

On the plus side, I've been doing fairly well with my food plan.  Did I mention I couldn't keep my scale put up?  Well, good news is I am back down to 183.8.   Really good progress I feel.  I can't imagine what it would look like if I had been able to workout the past week like I had intended.

I am really, really hoping I don't miss another ninjutsu class and I am considering going to the minute clinic today but I have my daughter, as always, and that sounds kind of dreadful with a two year old and a stuffy head.

As it is, I have to go to the store to get her night pull-ups.  Potty training is a B you guys.  Or Lilly is just stubborn.  Or both.  Well, she's definitely stubborn.  Totally her own person.

Anyway, that's my update.  I am hoping to get well and get to exercising again but we will see what happens.  When I get sick it just lingers and it knocks me out bad.  Doesn't help Lilly is sick too, though less so than I, and has not been sleeping well at all.  Sleep is so essential.

Sunday Weigh-In Week One

So, last night was my Sunday weigh-in with my husband weighing me.  As you may recall, I was struggling with my accountability and decided to have him weigh me may make it embarrassing enough should I not lose weight.  Seems to be working.

Since I came up with this idea late on a Sunday night my weigh in is Sunday night before we go to bed, while wearing my pajamas (same ones every time).  We all know we gain some weight during the day but as long as you weigh-in at the same time with the same conditions it's pretty accurate.

I also weigh Thursday mornings for my Instagram account (@mommysahrifit).

Anyway...

Start: 195.8

Week One: 190.6     -5.2 pounds

We have a victory!!!

I'm going to consider it mostly water weight but the good news is even so, I gave myself until our anniversary on October 26th to get to my goal, which means I only have to lose an average of two pounds per week.  Most of the time I'll have a good week followed by a mediocre one so we will see what next week brings.

Run Shannah, Run!

The past month or so I've been feeling blah and stressed.  Lilly still doesn't sleep through the night and with two plus years of that going on, with me being the primary one getting up so my husband can function at work and school, it's taking it's toll.  Add on her newfound temperamental attitude and at the end of the day I'm just mentally tapped out.

Now, since last June I have been actively exercising on a regular basis but I have mostly only done Beachbody workouts from home.  Lilly and I walk anywhere from 1-3 miles when it's nice out and she wants to stay in the stroller (which isn't much anymore but last summer was wonderful) but it is no longer a daily thing like last year.

Last night, after the kids were put in bed, I decided I wanted to run.  I've never been a runner.  I have ankle and knee issues and the last time I ran outside was during high school gym class when we were forced to run the mile and I remember those four laps around the football field feeling like torture.  I know I walked most of the time.

I had two goals in mind: Run the whole time and keep a steady pace.  I accomplished that.

It was strangely nice to get outside, to see the path pass before me as the sun was starting to sink lower into the sky.  I was able to get most everything out of my mind and simply focus on the task of running and breathing (which I need to work on).

11:05.

Not the best time in the whole world but my standard cardio is totally different than running so I'll take it as a pretty great starting point.  Sixteen months ago I couldn't walk a mile without a good amount of pain and feeling out of breath.  It's amazing how much one can change over a small amount of time and while I may not be where I want to be this was a really good opportunity to realize how far I have come.

Sometimes after losing so much weight and working at it for what seems like forever, when you're not where you want to be you lose sight of where you once were.  Of how far you've come.  Truth be told sometimes I look in the mirror and still see my 246 pound self.  I have to compare photos side by side to see the change.  To realize that at one time I was much larger.

I am looking forward to trying to improve my run time, and losing these last 30 pounds.  Where I'll go from there I'm not certain.  I've never been under 174 that I can remember.  174 was my high school sophomore year weight.  So, it's been a tremendously long time.  I know when I graduated high school I was likely in the 190's or at 200.  I have no idea what I will look like when I'm done.  None.  It's a little scary.  But I know I will be faster and stronger and healthier than I have ever been before.

Don't Let FEAR and PRIDE Get In Your Way

I was miserable here.  My heaviest weight, and you can see it in just my eyes.  I take up almost the entire door.

Yeserday, a new survey/study showed that the obesity rate of women rose to 40%.  Forty flippin' percent.  That is HIGH.  Even though BMI is not the be all end all, that is still a high number.

There are many different reasons we are obese at this high of a rate.  I think most of it has to do with food and office jobs.  Our lifestyles have us on the go, eating crazy processed packaged foods, with little time to actually pay attention to ourselves.

Even if you don't have high blood pressure, cholesterol, or blood glucose levels right now if you're overweight or obese, eventually that crap catches up with you.  At 246 pounds my blood work came back in the normal range with the exception of my Vitamin D levels.  No duh there, I'm never in the sun I turn into lobster woman.

The truth is, even with nothing back on the blood work my weight was still effecting me.  I couldn't even walk a mile without getting winded.  I had heartburn every night.  My ankle would swell if I did too much walking, and I just felt generally uncomfortable around other people because of my size.

Our bodies are not made to carry that much extra weight.  It causes a lot of stress on our spines and joints.

Admitting that we have a problem with our weight can be extremely difficult.  It can be embarrassing.  It can be difficult to admit that we don't have the information we need to change it.  Embarrassing to say "I really don't know where to start".  With all the gimmicks and plans out there it can make you feel like you're swimming in an endless sea and lord knows which one will work for you.  Embarrassing to ask for help.

It can be a serious hit to our PRIDE to step up and say we need help with something like our food or fitness.  Others in your life may make it look so simple to do but for you it might be one of the most difficult things.  I know for me it's not just deciding that I'm going to do it.  I have to work at it every single day.

Then there is the fear:

What if I fail again?

What if I still don't like how I look?

What if it doesn't help my high blood pressure, back pain, etc.?

What if?

Those "what if's" are terrifying.


But let me start:  My name is Shannah, I am almost 31.  I have a problem with food.  I eat when I am stressed and when I am bored and I eat when we have something yummy in the house just because I know it tastes good.  Sometimes I want a sweet so bad I will go out of my way to bake.  When I start eating things like that, I find it difficult to stop.  In that moment and even later on I may continue to make poor food choices for a day, a week, or even a month.

I tried and failed Weight Watchers at least four times.  I tried and failed calorie counting probably just as many.

On my honeymoon I was 220 pounds and I could barely fit into the plane seat or buckle the belt.  It latched but barely.  I may have been three months pregnant but the truth is that it was just baby weight and 20 of those pounds I had gained in the three months before because I had been trying to lose weight prior to pregnancy but used pregnancy as an excuse to eat what I wanted.  My thigh rubbed against the person next to me on the plane and it was embarrassing.  

By the time I went into labor I was 260 pounds.

It would be a year later that I finally could admit to someone I didn't know, that I needed help and I sought out my doctor.  I didn't believe I could do it because I never had before.

Asking for help was hard.  I didn't believe in myself.  But I tried.  I was willing to give it one last shot.  I was embarrassed to admit I needed help.  I was a grown woman for crying out loud how could I not control my eating?  But I did it, because frankly I was tired of heartburn every night and being so physically uncomfortable.

I am here for you.  I understand how difficult it can be.  It is scary and it is hard.  Changing our lives, changing our eating habits, our exercise habits, it's hard.  We have to fit it in with work and family.  Sometimes we are lucky enough to have family members on board and sometimes they just don't want to do it too.

The cost can be worrisome.  Will my grocery bill be higher?  Do I have that money to spend?  I ask you, how much is your deductible and co-pays for that surgery you may need down the line?  How much is a visit to the chiropractor?  Heartburn meds?  Blood pressure meds?  Insulin?

The time can be difficult to figure out.  Kids. Family. Work.  But you CAN fit it in.  30 minutes a day.  That's all you need, and not even every day of the week!  Healthy meals take no longer than any other meal to cook and there are many affordable options out there.

It is scary.  It an be embarrassing.  It is difficult.

It can be done.  Don't wait for a better time.  There is NEVER a better time.

However, I am here to help.

About Ready To Throw Out the Scale Again...

I have a love hate relationship with my scale.  I step on it way too much often but often times when I don't have it I don't pay attention to my eating and my weight goes up.

But if I'm doing everything right and I say bloat due to that time of the month or one day of carbs, I get a little loose because what's one more day of carbs and then it goes up.

And thus, this has been my life since October.  This is why I am stuck in the upper 180's or lower 190's.  I love food, I love it a little too much.  I did well most of the day until dinner and I made a dessert that I shouldn't even have bought the items to make.  It was delicious, but really.  I regret it now.  I almost feel like I need to put "You will regret it" on just about every kitchen cabinet and surface possible.

I have goals.  I want to get to 155.  It's so close and quite honestly if I had just cracked down on myself for a few months I'd totally be there by now.  But I've been pretty relaxed with myself.  I've gotten comfortable.  Too comfortable.  I no longer see my doctor so the only one holding myself accountable is me.  My husband certainly doesn't, and that's okay, that's not really his job.

I have stopped caring about what others think of my progress.  I am still overweight but no longer obese and in a normal dress size so I don't feel as uncomfortable around others who are healthier than me.  It's funny how being uncomfortable can make you do things.  Now that I'm not feeling like crap about my appearance I'm not making progress.  Yes, I want to be healthy, I want to get rid of my stupid protruding stomach, but it's not 100% pressing.  Ya get me?

I gotta get my butt in gear.  I've been stuck at a weight before and I got super frustrated and then got pregnant and got up to 256.  I do not want to ever be there again.  It's not an option.

So, that leads me back to the scale.  The way I weigh the way I eat around what I weigh.  Last year I threw it out.  I did well for awhile and then freaked out and bought a new one after I had my wisdom teeth out.  I'm thinking about getting rid of it.  I've tried hiding it in the house but I just go and get it back out.  I need to focus on my food and the way I look and feel but I am so very dependent on the scale I'm quite afraid to get rid of it again.

What if I do so and I end up eating whatever I want?

This is my fear.

My Thoughts On Body Shaming

Body shaming comes in all forms and is not exclusive.  We even tend to body shame ourselves.

There is a huge body positivity movement within the plus sized community.  A community I still feel a part of.  I belonged to it for most of my life.  I wish it was what it is now back when I was in middle school and high school.  I really needed it back then.

That said, I also see a lot of comments from some of those same members against thinner people.  "Real men love curves" or "Only dogs like bones" etc.  LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: That is body shaming as well.  You are participating in something you claim to be fighting against.  You absolutely can be positive about being plus sized while still allowing others to be thin or fit.

"She needs to go eat a burger or something."  How do you know she hasn't?  How do you know what she eats?  Have you asked this person about their diet? (I use the term diet to refer to what they eat.  That is the proper term for what someone eats on a regular basis).  Most likely not.  I know people who are thin that eat more than enough.  They have problems gaining weight.  That is not a time to insert a sarcastic "oh poor them".  Maybe they wait to gain weight just as much as you want to loose it.  I say that because if you are 100% positive in your body you will only want to lift others up to where you are.  You will not want to shoot them down and you absolutely will not be jealous of them.  So if you are, take the time to reflect about your situation.  Don't worry about other people.  Think about yours.

Now that I have that off my chest, I'm going to continue into something I saw on Instagram today that was really upsetting.

One person I just started following deleted his account because he was receiving upsetting comments.  This person had already lost 213 pounds!!!!  But because he was still 451 pounds, with loose skin, someone felt the need to become a rude ass bitch.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds of dedication and commitment.  Two hundred and thirteen pounds of hard work and some internet asswad decided to say something.

It takes two positive comments to outweigh a negative one.  This is proven in management and I am sure it applies to other aspects of life as well.

I also just read another account where someone who has lost a good amount of weight was called anorexic.  Why?  Because she is thin and looks great?  So aggravating.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE SOMEONE IS AT IN THEIR JOURNEY.

That obese person you see may have already lost 213 pounds.  That thin person may be working on building muscle and gaining weight.  Maybe they just had cancer.  Maybe that obese person has a thyroid issue.  Maybe they have a binge eating disorder.  YOU DO NOT KNOW.

Just because someone looks a certain way and you have decided that you don't like it does not give you license to comment on it.  How someone's body is shaped, what they are choosing to wear or not wear.  It is none of your business unless you have something positive to say!  LIFT OTHERS UP.

If you feel so bad about where you are at that you have to say something negative to make yourself feel good you honestly need to think about the fact that negativity certainly isn't going to get you to where you want to be.  Positive thinking goes a long way in all aspects of your life.  So if you're one of these negative internet trolls: I'm here to help when you're ready to change your mindset.  Because everyone needs help sometimes.

Working Out On No Sleep

Last night, before I went to bed, I carefully laid out my workout clothes and tennis shoes and set my alarm for 5:30 am.

Last night my two year old woke up just about every.  single.  hour.  I turned off my alarm sometime around 4 am.  My daughter woke up at about six so I wan't too far behind.

But I was so tired.  I almost didn't work out.  I looked at those clothes.  And looked at them.  And looked at them.  Then I finally put them on.

I dressed my daughter, turned on BOD (Beachbody On Demand), and pressed play on Total Body Cardio Fix.  I may have modified some of it.  Day 1/21 done.  Twenty more days to go.  Speaking of 21 Day Fix, the challenge pack is ON SALE this month!  30 minutes a day, 21 Days.  Customizable eating plan with portion control containers, a months supply of Shakeology, a shaker cup.  All $140.  If you think it's too easy, 21 Day Fix Extreme is also on sale!  Shoot me a line for more info or click the links to order!

So I got the workout in.  The whole time I was doing my warm-up exercises my daughter was following along, as best as a two year old can, and then looking back at me with her big bright eyes, grinning from ear to ear and saying "Good job!".  Such positive reinforcement!

After our workout we headed to Target where she proceeded to throw an epic tantrum over being placed in the cart so I had to let her down to walk beside me which pretty much ended our trip.

My food has been horrible today.  I had to go grocery shopping and after Target that was not happening until I dropped the little monster off at her first day of preschool enrichment.  I think I'm going to miss early morning grocery shopping.

Tomorrow I will do 100% on my food.  Wednesday is my weigh in day and I'll be weighing every week from here on out.  My goal is to be consistent with good eating until June 26 in which I have a baby shower to attend.  It will be a treat day.

And that, my friends, was my pretty average day.  I didn't let lack of sleep stop me from working out so I'm pretty proud of that.  Exhaustion whether at the start or end of the day is usually a very big reason people don't workout.  I find morning workouts are easier to get in and get done for me.

What time is best for you to make certain you get your workout in?