One Scale To Rule Them All and in the Darkness Bind Them!

Seriously.  Let's talk about the evil scale.

Last year, I threw my old scale out.  It was driving me crazy because it was all over the place as far as accuracy.  But then, after my wisdom tooth removal and getting off track with my eating I freaked out and went and bought a new one.

I've tried to get rid of it a few times, or well, put it in another room and forget it, but it kept coming back.

Last night I took the batteries out, threw them away, and put the scale up.

I had seriously forgotten one of the major reasons I had started this journey in the first place: HEALTH.  That's right.  My health.  Now, at 242 pounds that scale number was rather important to my health.  At 180-something not so much.  I am still overweight by all basic standards but after so long trying to reach a healthy weight I had become obsessed with the scale and was using it to determine all progress.  It just doesn't work that way when you're building muscle and whatnot!  Add on the fact that women can gain 5-10 pounds during their period, it really isn't the best tool to use.

Neither, for me, is the tape measure.  Because I can bloat and I can bloat bad.  Usually induced by carbs I can see two inches of bloat on my stomach.  I can feel when I am, I can see when I am, but sometimes I still crack that tape measure out to see.  Then I get depressed.

Now, this won't happen to everyone.  I am someone who has lived my entire life pretty much not liking what I see in the mirror.  That's right.  Even now I look in the mirror and I fail to like my body.  I've never known what it is like to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.  Even on my wedding day I looked into the mirror with disappointment.  I was pregnant and had gained weight and my dress didn't fit at all like I wanted it to.  When I look at pictures from my wedding that is about all that I see.  

So, of course with those issues which I am sure many women and men have, the scale and the tape measure aren't really my friends.

I needed to take a step back, remember my daughter, who will be watching my every move, and put the scale up.  I was stepping on it several times a day.  I became way too familiar with how my weight could and would fluctuate and it started creeping into my eating habits.  As in, I was become afraid to eat.

This, my friends, is how eating disorders are developed I'm pretty sure.  So I'm stopping myself before it gets out of control and I will focus on getting back to low carb which has worked for me when other food plans haven't, and tracking what I eat and working out to get strong.

Because I tell Lilly I am working out to get strong and when I put on my exercise clothes she says "Mama exercise, mama get strong" and I want her to keep that in her head.  That exercise is for getting strong, not losing weight.  I don't want her thinking I hate my body, and developing those same hateful thoughts.  It's why I teach her "we love our tummies" even when I don't love mine.  I will fake it until I make it because I'll be damned if she grows up with my insecurities.

So, back to the basics.  Low carb for more than a few days, tracking what I eat, and hopefully just seeing the changes through pictures.  Eventually I'll pull the scale back out, but for now, the important part is stress free progress.

Bad Days and Letting Go

This picture was done on my digital camera and is so dang blurry.

Today is a bad day.  That's okay.

We all have bad days.  Our weights will bounce all over the place sometimes.  I am retaining water, and it is bothering me because the scale no longer reflects the past two weeks.

I posted about this bad day on my personal Facebook page.  I also posted about my struggles with that, and my Beachbody business on my team group.

I was told to be careful posting the negative stuff on my personal Facebook page because it was bad for sales.

Well, let me tell you about my sales:  I had none.  I tried.  I did.  I was wanting to and hoping to change lives.  I wanted so bad to show people it could be done.  It can be done, and I wanted to make some money doing it because as a stay at home mom I really want to contribute income to my family to ease the budget a bit.

But I had a hard time making new connections and old ones already had coaches.  Or they weren't interested.  The coach fee is only $15 a month but that adds up when things are tight.

Then to be told not to post about the reality of weight loss struggles on my personal page.  Nope.  Not going to do it.  Not for me.  I am real.

Weight loss is HARD.  There are no pills or wraps or easy outs.  You have to eat right and exercise is good for you (I lost 25 pounds just by changing my diet).  You will reach a plateau.  Just about every Instagram account I follow, which is a lot, I am witnessing women who have done awesome but are currently or recently struggling to move forward.

I witness women who have emotional eating problems.  Stress eating problems.  Bored eating problems.  Binge eating problems.  All women who have been successful but that may be experiencing a plateau.

With two inches of bloat around my waist no, I'm not going to be happy and thrilled and peppy about it, and I won't hide it or lie about it.  It's reality.  I am in a plateau, it is not easy, I have been here since October, I am doing the right things, I am retaining water, and I am upset about it and I was up since 2 am crying on and off about it.

That is the TRUTH.  I am having a bad day.  It happens in this journey, there are many of them.

LETTING GO:

Trying to make the Beachbody business work for me was stressing me out.  I was witnessing many women be very successful at it and was not seeing it for myself while trying to maintain a household budget because I don't work.  I was trying to make new connections and post and show progress and work on progress and take care of Lilly who doesn't sleep I swear, and it just was stressing me out.

It works for people and I still like the products.  I will still follow 21 Day Fix until the end and I will probably do another round or so.  I am keeping my On Demand because it's one heck of a deal, and I have cancelled my coach status.

This frees me up to review all sorts of things and products and just to be myself and focus once again 100% on me.  I saw some AMAZING women do some great things with coaching, but ultimately I could not make it work for me.  I would say the biggest reason is because I refused to cold invite people I did not know.  It didn't feel right and as a previous post which I have to edit some, my ethics wouldn't allow me to do so.

If it doesn't feel right, if it's not working, it's time to change.  Nick gave me three months for the Beachbody coaching to work and he graciously let me continue past that (I say graciously because he is the one working to put food in front of my face while I neglect the dishes and laundry that piles up), but I think it was time to let it go.

My hope moving forward is to continue with this blog and my Instagram and my business page, which I have changed to the Have Your Cake and Fitness Too page.  I'm in the process of deleting all the Beachbody info (I have to get rid of anything that looks like I am a coach) but I plan on adding more helpful and inspiring and FUN things.

I want us all to succeed.  I do.  I want nothing more than my family and friends to be happy and healthy.  If I can help you, I will do that.  Now it just comes free, as it should have always been.