I know it's been awhile since I have posted. I haven't been exercising and I've sort of been following my food plan. up to 182. I guess that's okay. I'm not happy with it but I'm also in this "I don't really care right now" phase because I'm really, really tried of following food plans. I have changed it up. It's not that low carb isn't working, it does, it's that I don't have the motivation to follow it and right now no food plan would really work because I don't really feel like tracking any sort of plan. That's just the truth of it.
I've bee working on sewing projects for my garb for Ren faire. I had two failed corsets, one failed pouch, a successful-ish pouch, a successful shirt, and some bracers. I received my bodice as an early, early, early Christmas gift (mother's day and birthday were used up when I bought the Beauty and the Beast tickets), and I sold an old bodice to buy my new skirt.
Still really not pleased with the look. I went with purple because I didn't like the company I went withs greens and now I want a green outfit. I've attempted to sell a few more pieces that no longer fit as well as a baby carrier that I never used but is $200 new with no luck.
We went to the faire and I had a lovely time. Lilly was left behind with her grandma and we were free to just enjoy the day. Nick played Pokemon Go because the faire had tons of stops and a few gyms and I mainly people watched. It was kinda glorious. I saw a beautiful green hat that actually looked good on me (most hats don't) but with no monies I no gets the pretties.
Anyway, now it is after the faire. It is over and I have nothing to look forward to. The downstairs is a total disaster filled with scraps of fabric and some other crafts I have yet to pick up. I'd been working until Lilly woke up from her nap or it was time to go to bed so I haven't exactly had the most time to pick up.
I did get to visit an old friend last week too, and that was enjoyable as well. When you become a mom if you don't schedule time to yourself you don't have time to yourself. You give up those long weekends of crafting, or reading, or the ability to just go anywhere without even realizing it. I know Lilly is also more demanding than other kids her age. I can't have my computer out, I have to constantly watch her or interact with her so that she doesn't try to climb on anything she shouldn't. Which is fine, she's my daughter, I love spending time with her. But you sacrifice the time for yourself.
So yeah, where am I even going with this post? Well, I'm just blah again. I felt so relaxed at the fair for the most part and now I'm back to just taking care of Lilly and the house. The house is neglected. Badly. But I don't exactly feel like woman of the year when I do clean it up. It's not rewarding in the least. Other than to see a clean house and laundry all put away.
I got myself so stressed out exercising and trying to loose weight for my Beachbody business that while I know I should get back to the grind I am totally put off that idea.
I want fabric to make a few more pieces of garb for myself but I can't find the fabric I want at a reasonable price or in the US.
I hate this blah empty feeling. I hate it. I need time to myself, I need to work on my weight loss, I want to craft, I want to figure out how to make money. I feel like a whiny record but I'm 31, I need a purpose or a passion in life that is not just my daughter but dear god I need the time for that passion too.
How the hell do people get out of these ruts? How do I figure it out? Right now I really need a work from home job that is not direct marketing. But like, nobody has those. Unless they have a marketable skill. Which, I honestly don't have.
And if anyone can tell me where to find green taffeta that is not puke olive and not $20 a yard or in Thailand that would be awesome.
I'm just frustrated as hell. I need to figure it all out and I don't even know where to start.
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