Never Wish For Someone Else's Demons

As a stay at home mom I spend a lot of time on social media commenting on articles and photos.  It helps keep me anchored to the adult world since I spend the majority of my time with a two year old watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

We all know however that sometimes social media has its own issues.  People get behind the keyboard and they type before they think or they purposely choose to upset people.

I came across a photo on Instagram that was a side by side of the same woman.  On the left side she looked like she had been in a concentration camp.  On the right side she was recovering.  The post was about her "demons" telling her not to eat, etc.  About how she landed in the hospital several times over the course of several years and then about her road to recovery.

On the post, I came across someone who said "Ooh how I'd like to sumon this demon for just 60 days of my life #foodie".

I called them out on it.  I told them it was one of the most insensitive things they could say to someone with an eating disorder.  I believe that to be true.

Now, this person then responded that it was not the most insensitive thing and at least they didn't call her ugly or fat and after that someone else chimed in that they wished they could summon the demon as well for just a month.

So I responded.  "You are talking about an eating disorder that KILLS people.  That hospitalized her several times and nearly killed her.  To wish that you had that yes, that is insensitive."

Of course now the second person that chimed in had to say something:  "Somewhere in her life she developed a bad habit of starving prolly to stay thin self image and I'm a lil heavy so yeah for 30 days borrow that damn demon...Eating too much is also a eating disorder...and not minding your own business and having a comment for everything is all a disorder called can't mind my own f***ing buisness."

Clearly, this person was angry.  I feel like it's obvious I struck a nerve.  So I chose to respond again.

"Listen, I've had my own food issues, still do, and I was 260 pounds.  My grandmother worked with an anorexic woman.  It IS insensitive to wish you had an eating disorder for 30, 60, or any sort of time period ESPECIALLY on a post about a woman's recovery from one.  It isn't about "minding my own business" it's about stopping people from saying things that could be damaging to others.  Stop and look at that woman on the left.  LOOK at her.  That woman is dying.  The woman on the right is still underweight (words from her own instagram).  Her insecurities and likely body dysmorphia nearly KILLED her.  Nobody should wish for something that nearly kills someone else and I am sorry you are so angry for me pointing out that it's insensitive and potentially damaging for others."

You see, that second person, she didn't stop to see if I maybe had ever had anorexia at one point (I did not but that is not the point) or even if maybe I had a food addiction (I do, albeit not diagnosed).  She just got mad I called her insensitive and responded.

If a thin person who had troubles gaining weight walked up to me and said "Man, I wish I had a food addiction so I could gain weight" you can bet I'd be pretty damn upset.  I may not show it, but I would be.  Food addiction is not an easy thing to live with.  You have to eat no matter what.  You can't just detox from food.  It is a daily struggle to make healthy choices and the behavior can lead to disease and death from complications from obesity.  I imagine the same thing applies to anorexia or bulimia.  It is obviously not an easy thing to deal with when you are close to death and staring at yourself in the mirror and you still think you look awful when you really look like skin and bones and all your organs are slowly shutting down.

Never wish for someone else's demons, you don't know how difficult they are to handle.

Case in point: There was a time when I was so broke I couldn't afford to eat.  I would go to work, drink the free hot chocolate, and was lucky enough to have a good friend who took me out to dinner about once a week and who brought me meals or invited me over to dinner almost nightly.  I never even told them how broke I was, or that I was starving.  In fact, I never even told ANYONE.  I was too embarrassed that I didn't have control over my finances.  As a result I lost a good amount of weight without even trying.

But not being able to eat to get there.  No, you don't want that.  You don't want to deal with that.  Of having to figure out how to make $30 last for two weeks for ALL essentials, including toilet paper, etc.  Of trying to keep so busy that you don't think about food or how hungry you are.  No, you don't want to deal with that for anything.

Likewise you don't want anorexia for a 30 or 60 days.  You don't know the difficulties that person faces.  You don't know how damaging or dangerous that is.  You certainly don't wish for it on a piece about a woman's recovery from it.

We need to think before we speak.  Think before we type.  What are we saying?  What are we putting out there?  Who might it hurt?  Do we wish to hurt someone?

I don't know why person #2 was angry that I called them insensitive.  Or why she assumed I didn't understand about over-eating.  Maybe it was because my instagram account is mommysahrifit.  I honestly don't know.  In an ideal world she would have said "You know, I didn't think about it like that, I have problems with over-eating and it can just be so hard"  and I would have said "I understand, I do too." and we would have become friends.

But it's not an ideal world and even if that person comments back I would be surprised to get a nice response.  I admit, the whole situation upset me.  But I've written about it, and am going to try and move past it.

I just ask that you be thoughtful with what you say and be careful for what you wish for, it might come true.